When you choose to change what you chose to be
Years of tears, hurt, pain and suffering ago,
Don't be surprised by the look in the eyes
Of the one’s you figuratively killed
With the intent of your literal words
Lacerating their hearts, stabbing their souls,
Hell bent on making them suffer for acts
That you authored, for facts that you faltered,
Too proud to be weak, too weak to be kind,
Unable to forgive them for being,
For their unforgivable condition
Demanding your unconditional love,
Requiring supreme self sacrifice
Made not, not having a Self to offer.
Now “Spiritually Reborn”, you've shed
Many tears and thoughts inspired by hate’s spite,
Thoughts that others felt despite you draping
Them in velvet, embroidered with sarcasm
That stained, tattered unholiest fabric
Adorning their suits of imprisonment.
How dare you think that you can undo thoughts
Simply by thinking about how and why you think,
Thinking of thoughts betters have thought as yours,
Thinking that you should be forgiven now
That you think thoughts ARE deeds, that they carry
Intent, like a mother does child, the seed
Germinating the future’s pasture
So that the sowers reap their just rewards.
“YOU COPULATING ANAL CAVITY!”
Scream the souls you’ve maimed; you hear them always
When you least expect to, when you are proud
Of the progress you've made as a Pilgrim
On the Spiritual Path, patiently(?)
Shuffling two forward, falling one back.
You hear them when choring, doing dishes,
Thinking about precepts such as cleanliness
Being next to Godliness, that small tasks
Must be done with a humble yet happy
Earnestness worthy of the most awesome
Responsibilities even though they're not.
You hear them when morning meditating
On creation’s beauty, on yourself’s Self,
On how you with The Father can be One.
You hear them at close of day when praying
For your sins, for having thoughts unworthy
Of being a Being of light and love.
The gnaw of being exposed as a fake,
For being impotent, irresolute
In your selfish pursuit of selflessness,
Ebbs and flows, the in then ex halation
Of your breath reminding you of that which
You are desperately trying to release.
“I’m so sorry!” really doesn't help them.
Nor do the platitudes you love to love,
Like “It's not what happens to you in life
That defines you, it is how you respond.”
Like “Wherever you go, there you are.”
Like “If you think you're the Prince of Persia,
You're the Prince of Persia (your delusion).”
Like your least favorite on evil acts:
“Remorse has no value, but you must make
Good for harm done.” Direct reparation
Is the most difficult; easier for
A needle’s eye allowing the passage of....
A camel has two humps, three if global warmed,
Only one if a dromedary quite
Ordinary, yet all store within them
The past that will fuel their future like your
Thoughts, words and deeds residing in
The Cosmic Ether, accessible to those attuned
To hear and view the vibrational tomes
You have added to the Universe,
That only you can edit, since they are
“Read-Only” stamped by the Head Librarian.
But, if you believe those that commune with
“The Other Side”, time and space blur into
A continuum of care, or its lack,
Where yesterday's “facts”can be rewritten,
Within life’s daily Groundhog Day routine.
This is what you’re banking on, redemption
From past malfeasance, forgiveness from those
You bankrupted by not caring to care
Prior to your Awakening to life’s
Where love is the only currency worth
Accumulating, and which can daily
Compound, yielding bonds that endure and grow,
With interest, by acts of loving kindness.